everyone has instincts..that inner voice that tells u wat to do..the one which warns you of wat might ensue..many a times, i fail to heed this ‘instinct’..like everytime it tells me to study for example - i never do and end up regreting it sometime down the road..every time before exams in fact..and in those times, the stress and disappointment overwhelm me and i start to scold myself and in extreme situations, a slight pat on the cheeks wud help me to continue concentrating..
my point is..we always regret wat we fail to do even when we realise that the particular action is not the best..sometimes, its because we procrastinate, we seem to think that there’s always tomorrow to settle that stalling bznes or someone else will do it, why shud i bother or its a small thing, wont make much difference or wat can i say or do that will make a difference ??
thats the thing that was running thru my mind when we sent off hari who headed back home yesterday due to some unresolvable health problems..
when he was here, normal and healthy, most of us never bothered to get to know him..and by us, i refer to most of the fourth floor occupants including myself..very few of us knew him well..but i wudnt place the blame entirely on our ignorance - he did patfak and thus was the only person who was not a 3rd year on the floor, he was very quiet and most of the time you rarely notice that he’s there..
i myself rarely had much to say to him since i was at a lost at finding the right words..and the only times that i even see him outside of the block is in the kitchen, even then on very rare occassions..and even when he was in the hospital, i never once went to visit him..classes and the games are not excuses when some others cud find the time..i guess i jus told myself that it was jus some normal fever and he will turn out alright in the end..
well anyway, now he’s gone and we dont kno if he wud ever return to resume his studies..it wud be a terrible loss if he doesnt because he’s really brilliant..i suppose we cud all have made a little more effort to make him feel more at home..whenever he was missing from any events we had, we never bothered to go and drag him down to join in the fun..we rarely talked about random things like we always do..
we had so much time to say something which we never did..and when he was leaving yesterday, i still didnt know wat to say to him..take care and get well soon - when i never bothered to find out how he was ?? come back again - to the place where there were so few people he can relate to ?? dont worry and trust in god to put things right - where’s the sense in all that happened ??
if he ever does return, which i really really hope so, i wish that we wud all get a second chance to put things right..sorry..
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